seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
