i permit you to call me
Can Purell be used as lube?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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