Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
