There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
