is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
