she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
