I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
