dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
