i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
