I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
