I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
