the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
