Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
