I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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