Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
