I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
