Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
