I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
