I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
