And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
