I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
where does the pee come out of this thing
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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