i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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