Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
