Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
