I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize