Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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