and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
