Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
