umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
