Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
