I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
