I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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