I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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