And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
