We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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