What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
