I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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