Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize