RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can I color on your dick again?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
