saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
