please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
