you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
