I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
