Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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