Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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