census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
