I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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