Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
