my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
