My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
