dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
