I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
