I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He felt like a one man threesome
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
