the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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