I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
