I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
