I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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