return my video game
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
