Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
