Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
