somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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