how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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