one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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