she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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