so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
