we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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