yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
