Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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