I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What a dumb baby whore.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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