She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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