we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize