SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
