CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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