Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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