apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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