He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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