I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
