Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
