fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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