What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
