My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
